So today in "The whole problem with rape and intimate partner abuse is the fact that women make such a big fucking deal out of it"....

So, I was hoping to be able to start this blog off on, you know, a more positive note.  But after a casual stroll through Kinky and Popular, I have become so pissed off that I need to verbal-diarrhea to the internet for a while.  Don't want to hear it?  Stop fucking pissing me off, you misogynist, victim-blaming baboon butts.

Ahem.

So if you don't already know, Kinky and Popular is a particularly idiotic section of the cess-pooly wankfest that is Fetlife.com, the kinky person's version of Facebook.  Fetlife has the advantages of allowing porn (and oh god, the porn *barfs*), ads for sex products, and permitting user names such as "SlavetoDaddysBigCock."  Yeah okay whatever gets your kink.

Fetlife.com also means that the average pervert can be observed in an inhibition-free habitat--and, after much observation and many field notes, I have come to conclude that the average FL users seem to throw misogynistic, racist, ableist BS around like monkeys throwing shit in cages.  Do monkeys throw shit in cages?  I don't know.  But lemurs make fucking weird noises, so let's go with lemurs.  Like lemurs throwing shit in cages.

So there was this especially precious specimen on Fetlife's Kinky and Popular today.  Get ready, you're going to need some goggles and protective gloves for this bad boy.

Our first candidate for the Wall of Shame: Dulcet_Masochist, 36F slave.

It's really quite precious:

Victims.Victims. I want to say "you know who you are," but the sad thing is, you don't.You don't know who you are, you who have chosen to be victims. You see yourself victorious. You imagine yourself wizened from your wounds, which you pick and scratch and dig at, to keep them fresh for examination by passers-by. You believe yourself to be stronger. An example. Someone to be emulated. You are NONE of these things. You are small. You are pitiable. You are pathetic.

So, you've been hurt, huh? You've been casually cast aside and emotionally injured by someone you loved. Guess who else that's happened to? EVERYBODY.And to each of us, our heartache is just as powerful as yours is to you. Those wounds don't make you special. They make you human. One of the rest of us.

How long ago did this big awful abusive mean Dom hurt you? How long ago was your heart crushed? Was it last week? Last month? Last year?

And was it truly abuse of power? Did he injure you? Did he cause you bodily harm? Did he tie you up and force you to do all the things on your list of hard limits one by one? Two at a time, even? Or do you simply feel he didn't follow through on the emotional promise you were holding onto?

A failed relationship... even with a liar... does NOT equal abuse. Hear it? Please hear it. Those two things are NOT the same.

Happiness is not easy to find. Were it easy to find, we'd ALL have it.

Well, you know, my boyfriend and I have joked that our PTSD gives us super magical superhero powers--we can totes time travel, although we can't pick when we do it or what time we go back to!  But mostly it's a joke.  Otherwise I don't know any woman who has been like, "Yo, I'm a horrible traumatized wreck and that means I'm better than you, bizzzzitch."

But I mean that's not really the main point.  Let's go over this shall we?

Okay, so even though supposedly I and the 1 in 3 women who have been raped in their lifetimes and the countless others who have been abused physically and emotionally have "chosen" our victim status, we don't know who we are.  Um, okay.  That's kind of weird, but whatever, maybe she's referring to some deeper metaphysical "you" or something.  But like, seriously?  This b.s. about "choosing" to be a victim.  Oh yeah, one day I woke up and I was definitely like, "Wow, I really want to wallow in my pain and sit around dwelling in all my pain and suffering, thereby causing me more pain and suffering, guess I'll go get me some nice juicy ole PTSD."  Does this woman get how the human brain works?  For someone preaching empathy and the magic of the vagina (transphobia, w00t!) and forgiveness...

I am talking to the women right now. All my fellow women out there. And I'm gonna be frank. Because I own a uterus. Because I have earned the right to speak directly and candidly to you, my sisters. Because you gotta hear this. You have to hear this...

...We are WOMEN. We are all magic, and mystery, and moondust. We have the power of CREATION in us. We have potential for great and powerful things. Will you waste your potential over a lost relationship? Will you board up your heart, then aim anger toward those who have the nerve to arrive without a crowbar? Or... or will you choose to become more? To become stronger and better? To elevate and grow? To ensure not your survival, but your happiness? I

She's not very good at the empathy thing herself is she?  I mean, she tells women who have been abused, raped, or just plain worn out by the endless whirlpool of violence, sexism, victim-blaming, and just plain old poop that is chucked at them in the Scene, she calls them "pathetic."  And "pitiable."  And "small."  I mean Jesus Fucking Oysters, that's the kind of stuff you say to the rapists.  To the abusers!  

I have honestly never encountered a "Pick yourself up and get over it, you magical moondusty vagina!" piece that is this plain cruel before.  I mean, usually these tropes of "personal responsibility" and "forgiveness" are pretty hurtful anyway, but "pathetic?"  Listen, kid, if I'm going to call anyone pathetic here, it's the guys, women, and gender-fluid human beings that are *causing* all this hurt and shame and anger to begin with.

And you know, the worst part is that she doesn't even leave the possibility open that she's just talking to the whiny 14 year olds who think that their lives are over!!!111!!! because Dreamy Rob wouldn't go to the movies with them.  She is absolutely explicit in who she is targeting: 

How long ago did this big awful abusive mean Dom hurt you? How long ago was your heart crushed? Was it last week? Last month? Last year?

And was it truly abuse of power? Did he injure you? Did he cause you bodily harm? Did he tie you up and force you to do all the things on your list of hard limits one by one? Two at a time, even? Or do you simply feel he didn't follow through on the emotional promise you were holding onto?

A failed relationship... even with a liar... does NOT equal abuse. Hear it? Please hear it. Those two things are NOT the same.

Ha, well you know what, you're right, since my ex-Lord Domly Pants didn't crack my skull open but only left me with a lasting and debilitating mental disorders--haha, yeah, you're right, it was actually just a failed relationship.  Nothing abusive about that!  And there was this one time or two times or three times he raped me, but since he didn't tie me down with titanium cables and threaten me with a bazooka, obviously I must have really wanted it right?  SILLY ME, THANK YOU CONDESCENDING LADY ON THE INTERNET, FOR EXPLAINING MY LIFE TO ME.

And God forbid you have candid discussions with your next partner about whatever you suffered.  Hurry up and put your make up back on, you have the menz folks to be entertaining you know, and they can't be bothered with all your silly feminine wiles:

Strength is quiet, sisters. Strength lies in getting up every day and doing the things you need to do, even when you hurt. Strength, true strength, lies in picking yourself up after a failed relationship, even if you were done wrong... even if he LIED and CHEATED, and opening your heart back up for the next one. Opening up your heart, dusting it out, cleaning out all the used up kleenex and candy wrappers and wadded-up love poems. Airing out the staleness and making it nice for the NEXT one. Because he doesn't deserve to live among the teetering towers of shit you've been stockpiling from your ended relationships.

Look, Condescending Lady on the Internet, please get this through your sick head: fourteen year olds sobbing because they just realized they will never marry Justin Beiber DOES NOT EQUAL women in the scene expressing the harm, hurt, shame, pain, and lingering consequences of what they have suffered.  Please write that sentence down and look at it before you try this again.

By the way, can someone please fucking explain to me why everyone always assumes that all women are submissive, all men are dominant, and that gay couples, genderfluid people, and trans* folk ("all women have a magical uterus") don't exist?  ER)(*#)$(#*#$)#(*$)#(*$)(#*$# 

*bangs head on the computer*

You know what.  Why don't I read some fucking Hegel.  Because honestly, even though Hegel writes shit like this...

On the other side the notion of pure insight is seen to be something else than its own object; for just this negative character constitutes the object. Thus from the other side it also expresses the ultimate Being of belief as something foreign to self-consciousness, something that is not a bone of its bone, but is surreptitiously foisted on it like a changeling child. But here enlightenment is entirely foolish; belief experiences it as a way of speaking which does not know what it is saying, and does not understand the facts of the case when it talks about priestly deception, and deluding the people. It speaks about this as if by means of some hocus-pocus of conjuring priestcraft there were foisted on consciousness as true Reality something that is absolutely foreign, and absolutely alien to it; and yet says all the while that this is an essential reality for consciousness, that consciousness believes in it, trusts in it, and seeks to make it favourably disposed towards itself, i.e. that consciousness therein sees its pure ultimate Being just as much as its own single and universal individuality, and creates by its own action this unity of itself with its essential reality. In other words, it directly declares that to be the very inmost nature of consciousness which it declares to be something alien to consciousness.

...I honestly think I can understand that hunk of crappily translated German block of Hegelspeak more than I can understand the bullshit that is the Kink Community.

Keep it classy, pervs.