Today's "Kinky and Popular once again reveals serious, endemic issues within the BDSM community" rant is brought to you courtesy of ColoDom, 61 M Dom. Unfortunately I have to make this a quickie, because I have a gi-fucking-normous paper about Vikings due in T-minus...well, let's not think about that.
So ColoDom is not making my wall of shame today, because I actually do not take issue with much of what he has written. Sure, he falls into the typical "I'm going to reinforce the notion that male=dom and female=sub and if you don't like it, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH *blows raspberry.*" I know why that's deeply problematic, and it chafes me, but I'm in a charitable mood and am going to chalk it up to lack of education and awareness as well as a general laziness (why type two pronouns when you can type one!).
Anyway, the reason I am going on a rant about this particular piece of writing is because it pains and disgusts me that this writing even has to be written. Why should this be controversial? In fact, this thing that is so controversial is something that the BDSM community regularly tells the outside world is *essential* to BDSM itself, is part of what separates BDSM from serial killing and abuse.
So, this is all very cryptic. As I say to my students blathering on without opening their actual fucking copy of Hamlet: to the text!
Titled "What a Sub Is and Isn't: One Dom's Perspective," the piece already acknowledges that this is just his opinion, one subjective puny little opinion. The title doesn't demand his definition be universal nor does it claim that the opinions he argues against are inherently problematic--which they are. Once again, the Scene proves that it is so tolerant that its brain--by which I mean any sense of "right and wrong" or any sense of any kind of normative ethical system ever--has completely fallen out and gone ka-splat on the semen-encrusted dungeon floor.
So ColoDom is not making my wall of shame today, because I actually do not take issue with much of what he has written. Sure, he falls into the typical "I'm going to reinforce the notion that male=dom and female=sub and if you don't like it, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH *blows raspberry.*" I know why that's deeply problematic, and it chafes me, but I'm in a charitable mood and am going to chalk it up to lack of education and awareness as well as a general laziness (why type two pronouns when you can type one!).
Anyway, the reason I am going on a rant about this particular piece of writing is because it pains and disgusts me that this writing even has to be written. Why should this be controversial? In fact, this thing that is so controversial is something that the BDSM community regularly tells the outside world is *essential* to BDSM itself, is part of what separates BDSM from serial killing and abuse.
So, this is all very cryptic. As I say to my students blathering on without opening their actual fucking copy of Hamlet: to the text!
Titled "What a Sub Is and Isn't: One Dom's Perspective," the piece already acknowledges that this is just his opinion, one subjective puny little opinion. The title doesn't demand his definition be universal nor does it claim that the opinions he argues against are inherently problematic--which they are. Once again, the Scene proves that it is so tolerant that its brain--by which I mean any sense of "right and wrong" or any sense of any kind of normative ethical system ever--has completely fallen out and gone ka-splat on the semen-encrusted dungeon floor.
I sometimes see comments suggesting a sub should not be given pleasure or satisfaction, physical or emotional. Why not? Shouldn't a sub's needs be met too? Do you not, as a Dom, have a responsibility to meet the needs of the sub, just as she meets your needs?
Wait...what? What are these comments and where are they? I thought BDSMers were always going on about how "BDSM isn't abuse, the sub wants it, it's all about granting each other pleasure even if the pleasure is gained through paradoxical or non-intuitive means, such as pain or degradation!" and blah blah blah. Even when it appears that the sub's needs "aren't being met," we are told, paradoxically the subs needs *are* being met because he, she, or zie is desirous of the state of not having her needs met. It's like the chastity thing: by denying someone an orgasm you are fulfilling their erotic need not to have an orgasm. It's not fucking rocket science, people.
So either this guy is constructing a strawman bigger than Kilimanjaro, or there really are people out there who don't get that
So either this guy is constructing a strawman bigger than Kilimanjaro, or there really are people out there who don't get that
[Submissives] are not less intelligent, less worthy, less important. A woman (yes, I'm writing from a male Dom, female sub perspective. Get over it. If you wish, substitute the gender of your choice. The point is the same.) who is submissive is as much a valuable soul as any other person, kinky or not. In fact, she has great value.
From what I have seen of the kink community, it is unlikely he is massively misinterpreting the group of people he argues against. No matter how many times BDSM groups insist that they are all about respect and equality, this guy had to write a post saying, "Hey women--cuz women=sub and men=dom, am i rite--aren't actually all worthless fuck holes after all, and they have needs that you should meet, which after all is supposedly the point of what we're doing right?" It begs the question: these people who don't think women's needs should be met--how do they conceive of BDSM? If a woman doesn't want this, if it's not meeting some kind of erotic need...what's the point? And why are you okay with doing whatever you are doing? How do you sleep at night?
I'm going to chalk this up to more evidence that the scene is filled with tons of people who are gender essentialist, misogynist, and are inflicted with the dangerous and mind-blowingly delusional inability to differentiate fantasy from reality. What ColoDom is saying SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE SAID, except to counter whatever drivel is coming out of Bill O'Reilly's mouth. The fact that ColoDom not only feels the need to say this but feels the need to *qualify* it as *just his opinion*.....
#$)(#*$)(#*$)#(*$#
*bangs head against computer*
And rage begat exhaustion and exhaustion begat fear of the impending essay deadline and thus endeth the rant.
#$)(#*$)(#*$)#(*$#
*bangs head against computer*
And rage begat exhaustion and exhaustion begat fear of the impending essay deadline and thus endeth the rant.
RSS Feed